See once you get married you expect so many things, and if you are not getting the same kind of things despite educating your life partner, if you are still not getting the satisfaction you want, you start looking for other ways.
Anonymous male, unemployed, Bangalore
Interviewed by Poorva Dinesh
Why did you decide to speak on infidelity?
Honestly speaking, I didn’t find any reason not to. I went to Chennai at the age of 20. Until then I was a very good guy. In my home it was very strict and all those kind of things. I find happiness when I am with those people.
Can you be specific…who are “those people”?
I used to enjoy massages given by women. I had enough money to spend for all those things. They massage you and at the end of the massage, you can have sex with them. I enjoyed and I found happiness. In Chennai I had relationships only with these women. This was before my marriage. Once I moved to Bangalore, I was introduced to PR. Do you know PR?
No, what does it stand for?
Planet Romeo. It is a gay website. There are a lot of transgenders (TGs) on the website. They are lovely people. Society does not accept these people. When they find people who accept them, they are very open. They will do whatever it takes to make you happy. In my personal experience, they are better than women.
Let me interrupt you here. Were you married when you first registered with PR?
Was there any guilt?
No. Once you get married you expect something from your life partner. If you are not getting what you want, even if you are very true to your spouse…I tried educating her in these things for so many years…It is not her mistake also. It is the problem with her upbringing. For her, everything what I say is bad. I wasn’t satisfied, and I was getting a lot of pleasure from these people. They are very nice people. I am telling you again, these TGs are better than women.
They can think from a man’s point of view as well as a woman’s point of view?
Yes, yes. I don’t feel guilty. Not even for a second. It is not my fault.
You don’t think it is your fault?
No. See once you get married you expect so many things, and if you are not getting the same kind of things despite educating your life partner, if you are still not getting the satisfaction you want, you start looking for other ways.
Does your wife know you cheat on her?
Are you open about your wife cheating on you?
Yes, I am open to it. It won’t hurt my ego. If my wife is not sexually happy with me, I am open to her having sex with another guy. As long as it is safe. Actually you know, even I am ready for it. I like group sex. I like couple swapping and everything. The only problem is my wife is not ready to do it.
Have you discussed it with her?
I discussed this with her a couple of times. But she is not ready for it. Not just with these kinds of things…even with me she feels shy. When the lights are on, she will not have sex with me. My logic is you have to enjoy group sex, couple swapping. Otherwise, if you have sex with the same life partner, it will get boring after a few years at least. I am open to group sex and couple swapping. If she is ready, I will be happier.
Do you love your wife?
Yes, I love my wife.
But you will continue to engage in sexual activities outside your marriage?
My wife is a very devotional lady. For her going to the temple is the most important thing. She can have sex with anyone. I don’t have an issue. I can understand the feelings and everything. The problem is she doesn’t understand my issues. I don’t want to cheat her. What is the option? I don’t have any other option.
Would you go ahead to have children under these circumstances?
We want to have children. Only thing is I want to go abroad. Once I go abroad, we will have children.
Even if you go abroad, I think you are still going to cheat on your wife, because it is part of you…you are fine getting a child into the world knowing that things are always going to be like this.
Yes, it is fine with me.
Currently, are your partners outside the marriage transgenders?
Nothing like that. I am a bisexual. I like women and transgenders.
This is always going to be a part of you…
I think so. I find happiness in this. This is in my blood. I don’t want to change it. I am not going to hurt anyone.
What will your wife’s reaction be if she gets to know about this?
Her reaction will be bad. It will be explosive. I will try to convince her. Let’s see. If she is not okay with it, we will have to find some other solution. All these are very complicated things in our country.
What does love mean to you?
Love means affection. Sometimes I get very angry with my wife, but at the end of the day she is still my wife. I will do whatever I can to make her happy. I love everyone, but when it comes to my wife, I love her the most. She is the special one.