When a mother is hurt and disappointed

Not that I expect gratitude but somewhere it hurts. A mother shouldn’t feel humiliated, let down, disappointed, hurt…that is not what a child should be doing in return.

Anonymous female, 60 years, Bangalore

Interviewed by Poorva Dinesh

Why did you decide to speak on parenthood?
Because I am comfortable speaking about being a mother…having been a mother…what else can I say…that is a field or whatever I will be able to relate to well.
I am sure your journey as a parent hasn’t been easy. I am a parent myself and I have begun to realize that. But looking back, how do you think your journey as a parent has been?
As a mother I can say that I did my best. I would not say that I have been the best mother, but I can touch my heart and say I did my best for my children. Each one of them was different though born from the same father and same mother…each child is different. Attitude, temperament, so many things. And dealing with each one of them was…what can I say…

Was it a challenge by itself?
Yes

Was there ever a time in your life you thought you wanted to run away from your responsibilities as a parent?
Yes I did…you want to get away from it all. I don’t know…I had only boys. A girl is a more balancing person in the house. I don’t know…but that’s how I feel because I didn’t have a daughter. All were men. So I felt a daughter would have been more understanding and considerate. That’s it.

How did parenthood change you?
It did mellow me down a lot.

How were you before being a parent?
(Anonymous laughs) I would say… (Laughs again)

Short-tempered?
Yes, I would get irritated quickly, feel low, whatever. But parenthood I think mellowed me down a lot. I knew how to deal with situations. Every day was different. If today is one thing, tomorrow it was another thing. So it was like that.

Do you think some parents have it easier than others?
I think some are blessed to have perfect kids. Some are academically brilliant, temperamentally balanced, some are healthy. But in my case it wasn’t like that. The first one had health issue. The second one was more of an introvert, and you know how my third one is…(Poorva is friends with the third son).

Do you think your children are grateful for what you have done?
Heart of hearts they would be, that’s what I can say as a mother. But they don’t show it. At least the first two. My third of course has been a very affectionate child. He is the one with a good heart I would say. He has taken a big responsibility on his young shoulders, while the other two took off quietly when things were not going so well. When the bad times came they were not there. They were there only during the good times, but my third child was the one who stood by me during the bad times too. So I would say he is God’s gift to me.

At least your third son appreciates you for what you have done…so maybe it was worth it.
Not that I expect gratitude but somewhere it hurts. It is disappointing to feel that way. A mother should not feel that way. She shouldn’t feel humiliated, let down, disappointed, hurt…that is not what a child should be doing in return. That is not what a mother expects of a child.

I hope all of us go back home and see how we can do things differently…
Sometimes children do this consciously, sometimes sub-consciously…whatever it is. But that is not what they should be doing.

What does love mean to you?
Love is giving your all to the person you love. Someone who does anything for you. That’s it. Whether it is your husband or children…whatever they ask you are ready to do that.

 

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