Sex is better with a friend

Vinaya and a Pune-based Sales Manager met at 11 East Street Café over pina coladas and dinner, which had to be consumed before 8 pm because he was on an intermittent fast diet. When Vinaya asked him for an interview and showed him the list of topics, he paused at “food” and “pets”, but went on reading. “Sex! That’s interesting!” he laughed, so Vinaya urged him to talk about sex.

Read on to find out more about this young professional’s sexcapades…

Anonymous male, 29 years, Sales Manager, Pune

Interviewed by Vinaya Kurtkoti

Why did you decide to give us an interview on sex?
It’s interesting to talk about sex. I have had a lot of conversations with people about this topic, not in a perverse way. So it’s a nice topic. And who doesn’t have sex?

When did you first start thinking of yourself as a sexual being?
I don’t even remember. I think it must have been when I was between class 8th and 10th. That’s when people start discovering their bodies. Roughly when I was 14 – 16.

So when you were a kid, where did you think babies came from?
I don’t remember. I had never thought about it. By the time I started thinking about it, I discovered the answer.

How did you discover about the birds and bees?
The earliest memory I have of this is of a school friend showing me porn. Before that I had no idea that something like porn existed. I was really fascinated by the idea, like every guy is at that age. So, back in the day (I’m not that old), they used to morph the photos of actresses. So you could see naked pictures of Juhi Chawla, Madhuri Dixit and all. So I used to believe all that and imagine these photographers going to their homes and offering them money to pose for such sites. And when I grew up and realized that this is all photoshopped and it’s an editing trick, I felt very stupid.

When was the first time you had a crush on a girl?
I think I was in the 6th. Back then, crushes were completely non-sexual. You never even imagined kissing the girl. You just had those Bollywood fantasies.
The first time I ever asked a girl out was in the 9th. I was rejected. I told her I had feelings for her but she said she didn’t feel the same way. I continued feeling for her and tried again after a couple of months. We were really good friends. In today’s terms, I was “friendzoned”.

When was the first time you made out with a girl?
It was between school and college. I was dating this girl and we were hanging out at a friend’s house. He knew that we were dating so we could use some space. So he went out to get something and that’s when we kissed.

What do you mean you were “dating”? Did you tell her you loved her?
We were “girlfriend–boyfriend”. I was this stupid guy who told girls he loved her from the beginning. I realized only later in life that ‘love’ is a very strong word and that it happens much later. But back then, I had the Bollywood overdose idea of love along the lines of “I love you, I will marry you.”

sex quotes

How did you break up with her?
This was one of the rare cases when I broke up with the girl. She was my best friend and she asked me out and I could not say no, but after a month I came clean and told her that I didn’t have feelings for her. So I told her we should continue to be friends.
My next relationship was in college. She was also my best friend and we just started going around. So everyone in the batch took for granted that we are dating, but we were not. But we gradually moved to dating. We spoke about it and made it official. We dated for a good year.

So when did you lose your virginity?
I lost my virginity too late, at 25, with an office colleague. That was actually a friends-with-benefits kind of situation. We were sitting at my place when we started doing it. I didn’t initially tell her that I was a virgin. When I told her that I was a virgin after doing it 2—3 times, she was shocked. It was very embarrassing for me to have reached 25 without having done it. I had actually done everything else, but had not had sex. So I was technically a virgin. After that, there was no stopping me (laughs).

How many people have you had sex with?
Including my wife, four. I don’t like having sex with someone with whom I have no rapport or friendship. It’s no fun for me. I need some chemistry, some passion where you don’t instantly f**k, but you’re also kissing each other and making love. During sex, I enjoy “doing” more than “getting done”, i.e. giving in bed.

The last question has nothing to do with your interview topic. But we ask everyone we interview – what does love mean to you? 
I find love to be a very superficial feeling. The eventuality of love is that you want to spend your life with the person you love. I think you should love your best friend. Love is a kind of attraction that may last for a month for someone or longer for other people. Eventually, it fades away, it may not, if you are lucky. But the friendship should remain, and if the friendship remains, it lasts longer. So I’m actually giving the Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (a blockbuster Bollywood movie) answer, but I think love is friendship.

Categories: Friendship Sex

Meet the interviewer

Vinaya Kurtkoti

Vinaya Kurtkoti is a Pune-based freelance copyeditor and journalist. She enjoys talking to people and listening to their stories – whether they are about old, lost friendships or why they cannot use prepaid mobile connections anymore. Anything you say can and will be used in your interview. Like her favourite fictional character Dirk Gently, Vinaya believes that everything is interconnected (some things more than others).

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