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Marriage - Interviewing India

This young woman had a lot going through her mind when she told Poorva she wanted to give an interview on the topic “marriage”. Poorva and the interviewee sat on the staircase of her modest house for the interview, while the latter’s one-year-old daughter played with her toys. The young woman lamented past choices and how she regretted these. Read on and find out what choice was this young woman talking about, and how she feels about it now. This is one interview that all married individuals will be able to relate to  irrespective of whether the marriage is “arranged” or “love”.

Anonymous female, 27 years, location withheld on request

Interviewed by Poorva Dinesh

Why did you decide to give us an interview on marriage?
I have had an arranged marriage. I have always been in a dilemma whether one should go for an arranged marriage or love marriage. I think everyone has the right to choose their partner. This is something that keeps playing on my mind, and since I am at home these days I think about marriage all the time.

Does that mean you were not given this choice?
No, the thing is I got married at such a young age that I didn’t get the time to really think. I have open-minded parents. They were fine with me having a boyfriend and getting married to the man I choose. In fact, they kept asking me all the time if I was with someone. But I think I never got the time to date. I started working immediately after college, and my parents offered to find a boy for me. I thought if they choose a boy for me, it would be better than me choosing one for myself because they have been choosing everything for me right from my childhood. I think I didn’t have the confidence to find the right guy for myself because it was a big decision.

Do you have any regrets now?
I regret the fact that I got greedy. I told my parents I wanted a man that would bring home a certain amount of pay package. Probably if I were to find someone, I wouldn’t have found a man who would have earned that much money. Now I feel bad that I put such a condition.
Now that I have a daughter, I want to give her a lot more independence and I will tell her to choose a partner for herself.

In your three years of marriage has there been a point when you felt you couldn’t take it anymore?
I think this happens in everyone’s marriage. I always feel the first year of marriage is the most difficult. In the first year you get to know the likes and dislikes of the other person, and in an arranged marriage, you know nothing about the other person. Families are different and backgrounds are different. In fact, I didn’t have one but several such moments when I thought I just couldn’t do this anymore. But the thing is, you sleep over something and when you get up the next morning you wonder what the hell you did the previous day. And things seem okay that morning.

What has been the most beautiful moment in your marriage?
It has been the birth of my child. She is the biggest gift of our marriage. My husband and I really love her, and she has made our relationship much stronger than what it was.

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Can you explain how your relationship has got better?
She brings happiness to both of us, and we enjoy being with her. Now we have started working as a team, which we never did earlier. There are times when we have only each other for support, and that has brought us closer.

The last question has nothing to do with your interview topic. But we ask everyone we interview – what does love mean to you?
Even I am asking myself the same question. I didn’t have any past relationships. I wonder how it is for those who have love marriage. Love can be motherhood for me since I have never dated…

Do you love your husband?
Yes, I do love him, but I think it can be more. We have a strong relationship, but we need to grow stronger. Now I think it’s an arranged-cum-love marriage.

But you feel love primarily towards your daughter?
Yes, and a little love for my husband (laughs). I am being very honest. But I know it will grow with time, and maybe one day I will love him more than I love my daughter.

Categories: Marriage

Meet the interviewer

Poorva Dinesh

Poorva would love to call herself a writer, but doesn’t write much these days. Apart from reminding herself everyday about her two unfinished books, Poorva manages the day-to-day operations of Interviewing India and “talks to strangers” as her children put it. Even within the II Team, Poorva is notorious for walking up to complete strangers and requesting them for an interview.

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